Blessing All Marriages

Marc Pernot

For many years, I had no particular opinion about homosexuality. For me, it was a fact, just as there are blonds and brown-haired people. But not entirely, however. I remained a bachelor for a long time, and even when one is not the ultimate handsome heartbreaker, it is normal for other bachelors to try and see if an encounter is possible. Even if I wasn’t thinking of marriage, it felt satisfying to be approached by a woman, but sometimes it was a man, which felt odd and unpleasant, because, of course, his aspirations did not correspond to mine.

Couples like any others

Having become a minister, I was led to meet homosexuals in an entirely different context. I have met individuals and couples who were neither better nor worse than any others, believers who do their best and hope in God, faithful couples who support one another in bereavement, who play music and cook up a storm… Light years away from the homosexual hanging out in bars looking for a pick-up, just as a heterosexual is not necessarily a man who rubs up against his female colleagues or is a fan of Tinder (a dating site). Naturally, couples made up of two men or two women and male-female couples are different in many ways. But after having accompanied hundreds of couples, I know that there are many kinds, and there are truly « good » couples. Sometimes they may be co-dependent, sometimes they may not live together. There are couples with age, cultural and religious differences ; that is not the same thing as a couple that brings together two scout leaders. There are couples where authority is shared equally, and others where one person likes to be supported and the other likes to support… There are so many forms of wonderful couples, that there is certainly something of a miracle about what constitutes a couple and even leads it to intensify its relationship over time. What allows for a covenant in each couple is the same as in any sort of couple, and this is always personal. Homosexuality is an element that is no more particular in this respect than in others.

         Are homosexual couples living in sin ?

         One day, two men who attended services regularly asked me a question in private, after we had shared a pear tart ; they wished to know if they could pray to God for their couple. Since I could feel the reality of their relationship, and since I think that it is good to pray over a subject that is important to us, I said yes, of course. That freed them of a terrible burden. They had fled from the « evangelical » church, where their offering had been refused because of their homosexuality. That had left them deeply torn over a truth presented as divine and, on the other hand, their inner being, their faith, their love and a vocation that they considered to be God-given for their relationship.

That gave me pause. Quick, my Bible ! (some habits, we can’t overcome !). Two verses. Two poor verses condemning, perhaps, homosexuality, at first reading. The church that had crucified their relationship had told them that a Christian must respect the Bible, and that therefore they were sinning because of their homosexuality and even more so because they were living together. I was already convinced that we do not respect the Bible when we read with so little critical distance, especially concerning moral precepts, where we need Spirit to inspire us (and grant us discernment). Because if we actually read the Bible literally, we would become criminals, even stoning our disobedient children (Dt. 21 : 20-21). Or else, it would lead us to « resist not evil » as Jesus says, and thus let pedophiles, gangsters and tyrants do whatever they want. Respecting the Bible means placing it in its context and using it to ask questions, in prayer.

All this led me to reflect, and my conviction as a theologian and a man of prayer is now that homosexuality is not a sin. My thought as a scientist tells me that it is not an illness either and even less a contagious one.

Preparation for marriage ; a personal example

At that time, a few couples began asking me if it would be possible to perform a little ceremony for their « pacs » (civil partnership). I would reply that we were waiting for the conclusions drawn by our synods. And then, I got married myself. Surprise ! I had met my sister soul. The marriage preparation, talking together and praying, the wedding ceremony itself… This time, I myself had experienced the strength of personal development that this process offers. How could I deny my neighbor what had been good for me, what helps me still, by God’s grace.

What could I do ? I love my church, which in my opinion is the least « evil » of all ! And yet, my church tells me that as a minister, I must not, at this time, organize a ceremony for the blessing of a homosexual marriage. It’s all the more surrealistic as the church forbids practically nothing else ! We are even allowed to do exorcisms, to bless just about anything, but for a good, kind couple asking God for His help, the answer is no ! However, as a protestant theologian, « minister » is not a state. It’s a function. For 70 hours a week, often, I am a minister, but after that, I am a man who can go on a retreat in a Trappist monastrery or dine with friends at the Auberge de l’Ile (an excellent restaurant near Colmar). Why not ? So then I began taking some of my free time, as a simple believer, to accompany homosexual couples in the preparation of their mutual commitment and I would lead services in a neutral place. Even after an article in Libération in which a journalist, against my wishes, publicized this new creative leisure activity, I did not drown in requests, indeed because if homosexuality is natural, it is very minor. Over the past five years, I have accompanied seventy couples, two of whom were Islamo-Christian, with their joyous « you-yous », a Buddhist-Catholic couple, many ecumenical couples, six English-speaking and four homosexual couples without a church.

Hope for 2015

Protestant services often have the same main structure : the announcement of God’s grace, praise, Bible readings and a sermon, prayer, then the blessing of the congregation. We know how to insert, within this structure, special times for certain circumstances, for example an unveiling, a marriage, a fiftieth wedding anniversary, a funeral, or the mutual commitment of two married homosexuals. This can be simple, deep and true, even in a lay setting. Nonetheless, I hope that the 2015 synod will allow us to celebrate this service as a minister of the church, in the church sanctuary, because this is a beautiful, inspring and practical place. And above all, because this is the place where married prishioners go on Sunday. They go there to worship God with their church ; would it refuse them entry for their marriage ceremony ? Let’s hope not, but at any rate, what really counts is invisible.

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